Free Will Astrology

The main reason I pick up an ACE magazine these days is to read the Free Will Astrology by Rob Brezney. While I find astrology quite fascinating I'm not a big fan of horoscopes. Too vague, too impersonal. But I do enjoy Mr. Brezney's interpretation of the celestial patterns. I randomly decided to check my horoscope on his website, something I have never done before. My last two horoscopes have very closely mimicked my emotions. I've put the most poignant parts in italics.

This week's horoscope:
Is the highest form of courage embodied in a soldier fighting during a war? Irish poet William Butler Yeats didn't think so. He said that entering into the abyss of one's deep self is equally daring. By my astrological reckoning, that will be the location of your greatest heroism in the days ahead. Your most illuminating and productive adventures will be the wrestling matches you have with the convulsive, beautiful darkness you find inside yourself. Halloween costume suggestion: a peaceful warrior.

"Nothing's going right in my life. I feel anxious and paranoid all the time. My relationships are a mess." In my line of work, people make confessions like that to me. My first response is usually something like this: "Do you habitually gobble junk food near bedtime, steal a paltry five hours of sleep per night, gulp two cups of coffee and no breakfast in the morning, then bolt to a workplace where you get no sunlight or exercise and sit in an uncomfortable chair?" They often reply, "You must be psychic! How did you know?!" My point is that many psychological troubles stem from our chronic failure to take good care of ourselves.

Last week's horoscope:
Scientists have discovered an exotic animal that feeds on the bones of dead whales lying on the ocean floor. Known informally as the bone-eating snot-flower worm, it looks like a frilly pink plume growing up out of sheer bone. Believe it or not, Sagittarius, you could take a cue from this creature in the coming weeks. It will be a favorable time for you to draw sustenance from the skeletal remains of big things that were once vital.

"The important thing," said French critic Charles Du Bos, "is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."

Did he really mean at any moment? Like while we're in a convenience store buying a magazine? While we're lying in bed ready for sleep and reviewing the events of the day? While we're adrift in apathetic melancholy, watching too much TV and neglecting our friends? At any moment?! I say yes. At all times and in all places be ready to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.

Okay, so according to Rob I've got a lot of work to do. Delving into the darkness within, wrestling matches in order to be productive, taking better care of myself, and being willing to let go of the past and using the knowledge I've learned from the remains of what I used to think was vital to my life in order to become a better person tomorrow. Whew.

I am trying to sit with the negative emotions as they arise. Tonight I felt really lonely and like the train I was on was about to wreck. I rode my bike home crying only to come into my house and realize my laundry was done. I washed some more clothes, put the clean ones away, attempted to organize the clothes pile which is my bedroom and worked for an hour on a very important project that I have avoided. I've gotten a lot done tonight in just two hours. And I haven't shed a single tear. I bought several supplements for myself last week to make up for the toll of stress and poor diet. I have exercised for the past three days. I've done this and I'm feeling up for the task at hand.

Mr. Brezney, I'm working on it. If nothing else, I am feeling hopeful about the changes to come.